Balancing Act

August 7, 2015

Lately, I’m finding myself really struggling to balance everything that we have going on.  I know this is a pretty typical Mom-struggle, but the anticipation of how we’re going to manage our new fall schedule is really throwing me for a loop.  Just when I think I have it figured it out, I find myself back at square one.

On top of all this, I have MAJOR Mom-guilt.  I simply cannot do it all (though I like to think I can).  I’m realizing I can’t be at every one of Elena’s therapies (missing one killlllllls me) without totally neglecting Cal.  And Cal is at a really fun stage right now, where he is watching everything we do and loving to explore all things new.  I totally feel like I’m missing that.  This week alone, he was with a babysitter three of the five days.  Elena hasn’t even started school yet.  It’s such a struggle to be a present Mom with both kids at this stage.  It’s a constant juggling act.

This is our normal, but my heart still aches for a “normal” normal.  Like, my four year old’s life consists of shuttling from therapy to therapy, to appointment to appointment.  My heart wants it to be filled with tea parties, dress up, trips to the playground, to the pool.  Just once, I want to be in public, pushing Elena in her wheelchair, without feeling everyone’s sympathetic eyes on me.  I keep fooling myself into thinking that as time goes on, that longing will go away, that I shouldn’t be surprised when I tear up watching a child Elena’s age.  It still happens though, a lot.  When it does, it stays with me for a few days, then eventually fades into the busyness that consumes our day until it pops up randomly again.    It never really gets easier, I guess, maybe just different.  I’ll probably be writing these same feelings…..well, forever,

My current challenge lies in being the same Mom, differently, to both kids….if that even makes sense!  My job is so different for Elena than it is for Cal.  It doesn’t matter how hard I try, I have to neglect one to serve the other.  And that kills me.  Which brings me to our current situation, how do I get Elena to all her appointments during the week and not totally neglect Cal?  He’s at an age now, where taking him with me is pretty much out of the question for many reasons.  I’m doing my best to let it shake out for a couple weeks before deciding on anything.  The one thing I do know is that I can’t be in two places at once, so it will most definitely need to be a balancing act.

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This is Elena. Our Light. You can see all the goodness and joy that shines from those deep blue eyes. She loves sneezes, yawns, industrial toilet flushes, automatic paper towel dispensers and The Star Spangled Banner. Music is her everything, specifically Moana, Frozen (really all Disney), Queen & Taylor Swift. Nothing makes her squeal quite like swimming, fast boat rides and her two brothers in trouble. In addition to her megawatt smile, Elena reminds us to cherish the smallest of victories, to live in the present, and to daily dwell in a posture of gratitude for every breath and every blessing.  

More About Our Story

I’m Emmalee, an ordinary gal born and raised in the Heartland. Wife to Chad, and Mom to Elena, Calvin & Turner, I spend most my days ridin’ dirty (literally so much trash) in my minivan carting kids to and fro. When I’m not being a Momager, I excel at self-care, cooking gourmet meals my kids won’t eat and deep-diving all the feelings. Most days, my attitude is gratitude, just taking life one step at a time.

Emmalee & Elena

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