Writer’s Block

December 20, 2014

I’m not quite sure if it’s being tired, not getting enough rest or the exhaustion, but one of these has been responsible for my zombie-like behavior of late.  Yeah, so Elena is still not sleeping.  And life this month has been insanely crazy.  Add in a dash of Chad traveling what seems like every day this month and a pinch of not getting out of the house with a post-surgery toddler, and you have misery.

Ok, I may be a little dramatic but I think December has been one of the most challenging months I’ve had in a really, really, really long time.  It’s usually just a tough week here or a bad couple of days there, but the whole month has left me drained.  Merry Christmas?

Elena, thankfully, has recovered from those awful muscle spasms she had been having only to suffer from something 100x worse (well, in my opinion anyway)….only sleeping with Mom and Dad.  Unfortunately for us, there is no medication for re-teaching your child to independently sleep.  I mean co-sleeping is the antithesis of every thing I believe in as a parent.  I’m a sleeper.  I want my kids to be sleepers.  And when my kid doesn’t want to sleep unless I’m squeezed in her twin bed with her or she’s nestled (metal brace and all) between Chad and me (and Pete), it is misery.  I get it, she’s three and she’s been through a traumatic surgery and she got to sleep with us while traveling to and from New Jersey.  Not to mention we would come running in to calm her down in the couple weeks after her surgery, but she is milking it now.  Our nights are pretty brutal.  All of this makes for long, tough days.  I think I’m due for a month long vacation from life.

The exhaustion has left little time for anything else at this point.  I’m left unable to sort out my emotions or have any time for introspection…two things that I actually do quite frequently.  I need to purge my feelings either through writing or crying!  Either way, I’m too tired.  I’d say I have a bad case of writer’s block.  I hate wishing time away, but I’m praying every day that this phase of Elena’s horrible nights will pass quickly.

Ugh.  Being a parent is really hard.  Tonight I’m going to drain a glass of wine, go to bed (before Elena can wake back up) and dream of my early 20’s.  Goodnight ya’ll, this was all my brain could muster.

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This is Elena. Our Light. You can see all the goodness and joy that shines from those deep blue eyes. She loves sneezes, yawns, industrial toilet flushes, automatic paper towel dispensers and The Star Spangled Banner. Music is her everything, specifically Moana, Frozen (really all Disney), Queen & Taylor Swift. Nothing makes her squeal quite like swimming, fast boat rides and her two brothers in trouble. In addition to her megawatt smile, Elena reminds us to cherish the smallest of victories, to live in the present, and to daily dwell in a posture of gratitude for every breath and every blessing.  

More About Our Story

I’m Emmalee, an ordinary gal born and raised in the Heartland. Wife to Chad, and Mom to Elena, Calvin & Turner, I spend most my days ridin’ dirty (literally so much trash) in my minivan carting kids to and fro. When I’m not being a Momager, I excel at self-care, cooking gourmet meals my kids won’t eat and deep-diving all the feelings. Most days, my attitude is gratitude, just taking life one step at a time.

Emmalee & Elena

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