Grief

To Say There’s A Lot Going On…..

June 30, 2016

You’re going to hear me describe life as a blur, a whirlwind, straight chaos for the next few months.  So, my apologies.

The last three weeks have been just that.  In a matter of several days, we learned Elena needed surgery, scheduled surgery and ran all pre-op testing and approvals through.  Chad and I even managed to slip away to California for a few days, just a little calm before the storm.  But, it literally feels like I went to sleep on June 1st and woke up today, June 30th.  Something tells me I’ll do the same tonight, and wake up July 31st.

First things first, Elena is doing great.  Which killllllllllllls us.  Like I think she’s the happiest, silliest she’s ever been.  She’s doing awesome in all her therapies.  Her walking has been outstanding.  She’s making new sounds, which impress us all, even her!  She’s been eating (remember when I say eating, I mean just tastes of food) really well.  And, she’s just so darn content, waking up squealing and going to bed squealing.  To know what lies ahead in the next week for her makes all of this, just heartbreaking.

I cry because she doesn’t know what’s coming.  I cry because all this progress and encouragement is going to stall, if not regress.  I cry because I remember how miserable she was last time.  I cry because all of this is outrageously unfair.  If I don’t stop myself, it all becomes too much.

On top of all of this, we lost Chad’s precious Grandma on Monday.  To say she was a big part of our family is an understatement.  Chad’s family is very small, and very close and her loss, in addition to losing his Mom just months ago, has been tough to say the least.  She was so precious to all of us.  It’s hard to imagine our family get-togethers without her there, running the show.  2016 is proving to be an unbelievably difficult year for us.  We have lost three integral parts of our family, Chad’s Mom, my Grandma and now Chad’s Grandma.  All three of these women have left gaping holes in our hearts, and we grieve every one of their losses in our lives.

And now we face another challenge in Elena’s health.  I am doing all I can to keep my mind focused on the now and my heart trusting God in all this.  It’s literally the only way I can fathom getting through everything.  I know each challenge in my life proves His faithfulness to me and helps polish my heart, refining me.  And I’m so thankful to have those promises and to know all of this isn’t on my shoulders alone.  Without that knowledge, this would all be impossible and I no doubt would be maxed out with anxiety and fear.  Although I’m admittedly struggling, I do have peace and comfort that is keeping me afloat.

I feel all your prayers and am often overwhelmed by the support we have.  We are so appreciative to all of you who have reached out and offered help.  I have a very sweet friend who has graciously  set up a meal schedule for us, both after we return home from New Jersey and for when we have a baby in late August (uhhhh, sometimes I forget THAT IS happening).  I know several of you sweet people who read my blog have already reached out to me in that regard.  If you feel so inclined, you can contact my friend, Jenny (jennycurtiss@ymail.com), as she is officially the “Meal Master”! 🙂  You can also contact me and I can get you in touch with her.

Thanks to all of you lovely people who follow our journey (all the ups and most typically downs!).  I feel like this is life.  All our situations and circumstances are different but it’s all hard in it’s own regard.  This is our life, not necessarily the one we dreamed, but our life nonetheless.  It’s filled with far more blessings than challenges but needless to say, the challenges prove quite challenging!  I so appreciate each of you who hold us in your heart and love and support our girl through her difficulties.  We could never express how much it all means.  I’ll be sure to keep you updated in the next few weeks.  Just bear with me.  There’s a very good chance I’m going to be a ball of emotions!

The sweetest girl there ever was….

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This is Elena. Our Light. You can see all the goodness and joy that shines from those deep blue eyes. She loves sneezes, yawns, industrial toilet flushes, automatic paper towel dispensers and The Star Spangled Banner. Music is her everything, specifically Moana, Frozen (really all Disney), Queen & Taylor Swift. Nothing makes her squeal quite like swimming, fast boat rides and her two brothers in trouble. In addition to her megawatt smile, Elena reminds us to cherish the smallest of victories, to live in the present, and to daily dwell in a posture of gratitude for every breath and every blessing.  

More About Our Story

I’m Emmalee, an ordinary gal born and raised in the Heartland. Wife to Chad, and Mom to Elena, Calvin & Turner, I spend most my days ridin’ dirty (literally so much trash) in my minivan carting kids to and fro. When I’m not being a Momager, I excel at self-care, cooking gourmet meals my kids won’t eat and deep-diving all the feelings. Most days, my attitude is gratitude, just taking life one step at a time.

Emmalee & Elena

Meet The Gals