Grief

Scars & All

June 5, 2014

A few things have happened in the last couple weeks that have had me flashing back to the more difficult memories we’ve endured in the last three years.  I can remember that awful feeling, being in the thick of heartache, not knowing if I would ever get through it.  It’s been a reminder to me of just how far we’ve come as individuals and as a family.

We still bear scars.  My heart still aches for Elena each and every day.  Chad and I often wonder what our life will look like 5, 10, 15 years from now.  Fear still creeps in, tears still fill up my eyes.  I would still give anything to go back and change things.  And even though the scars will remain perhaps forever, they have made me stronger.  They have made me more grateful.  Happier.

Not a week goes by that we don’t feel the blessing of someone sharing how our little Elena has inspired them.  I am always humbled to know that my daughter, my precious baby, has touched the life of someone.  I can’t explain to you what that means as a parent.  Our Elena and her story, is making a difference in the world.

We’ll never know why this happened to us, why we had to endure this.  Just because we expect life to be a certain way, doesn’t mean it always turns out that way.  But perhaps you’ll be the better for it or that you’ll receive blessings tenfold.  If we would have never had to endure this painful life trial, who knows how our lives would’ve turned up.  And even though the scars are still there, we’ve come through.  Life can still be awfully sweet, scars and all.

My sweet peas.

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This is Elena. Our Light. You can see all the goodness and joy that shines from those deep blue eyes. She loves sneezes, yawns, industrial toilet flushes, automatic paper towel dispensers and The Star Spangled Banner. Music is her everything, specifically Moana, Frozen (really all Disney), Queen & Taylor Swift. Nothing makes her squeal quite like swimming, fast boat rides and her two brothers in trouble. In addition to her megawatt smile, Elena reminds us to cherish the smallest of victories, to live in the present, and to daily dwell in a posture of gratitude for every breath and every blessing.  

More About Our Story

I’m Emmalee, an ordinary gal born and raised in the Heartland. Wife to Chad, and Mom to Elena, Calvin & Turner, I spend most my days ridin’ dirty (literally so much trash) in my minivan carting kids to and fro. When I’m not being a Momager, I excel at self-care, cooking gourmet meals my kids won’t eat and deep-diving all the feelings. Most days, my attitude is gratitude, just taking life one step at a time.

Emmalee & Elena

Meet The Gals