I’ve blogged many times before about having a grateful heart. In the last few weeks, I’ve had so many opportunities to reflect and be thankful. Between the chaos of being eight months pregnant and moving to a new house, you would think I’ve had very little time for reflections. However, I think the last few months my heart has been really full and thankful.
I often feel a bit ashamed of how naïve and ungrateful I was when I was pregnant with Elena. We were so fortunate to easily get pregnant and, aside from the normal heartburn and aches and pains, had a very easy pregnancy and healthy baby. Looking back, I’m so embarrassed about how much I complained about being pregnant the first time. I mean, honestly, what did I really have to complain about?
One very obvious blessing that has come from our family’s struggles has been the ability to be reflective and most importantly, thankful. It literally feels like I had a veil lifted from my eyes that allowed me to see beyond my own day to day life and appreciate the world around me and what others, loved ones and strangers, must deal with.
Throughout this pregnancy, I have found myself saying a prayer of thanksgiving for every single week that the little guy stays safe, growing inside me. Every day I sit with moms who never saw the 30th week of pregnancy with their children or who would’ve given anything to have a complication-free pregnancy. How dare I complain about my aches and pains or wishing away this time? Every day I carry this little boy is a blessing. Every day I’m healthy and he’s healthy is an even bigger blessing. Sure, I’m looking forward to having him safe in my arms, but I can honestly say I have appreciated every single day of this pregnancy.
Looking back on when I was pregnant with Elena, I wish I would have realized that there was an entire world around me of people who were struggling with infertility when I just expected to get pregnant when the time was right for me. I wish I could have known that life can change in an instant, your entire world can be flipped in a single moment, and it shouldn’t take those moments to realize we are not in control. I wish someone would have told me that my life was not difficult; that having a healthy baby girl was not going to be the most difficult time in my life. I wish I would have taken a moment to stop complaining about silly things and realize what truly mattered. I didn’t take the time then to pause and lift the veil, but through all the heartaches of the last 2 years, I am incredibly grateful to have that perspective now. It has softened my heart in a way that I didn’t know it needed softening. I’m so thankful for that.
As I near the end of this pregnancy, I’m trusting God to keep this little guy safe inside for a few weeks longer and not taking anything for granted. Even though I’ve been through it before, I know I will be in awe of the little miracle God has created for our family. I’m really thankful for the perspective I’ve had these past eight months. In my case I’m going to call it pregnancy perspective and not hormones! 🙂