Today is back to reality. Not that the last four weeks haven’t been reality, oh they’ve been real all right. But today starts us back into our new routine. Elena goes back the Jackson Center for therapies and tomorrow, gulp, she starts school.
Not only that, but today is Chad’s and my 7th anniversary! I was recently going back through some wedding pictures to switch out some frames here at home and gosh, looking at us SEVEN years ago, we were just babies. So much life has happened in just seven years. I just kept thinking how lucky, fortunate, blessed that I’ve done it all with Chad as my partner. Marriage is a funny thing. I’m certainly no expert….at ALL….but when I think back to our actual wedding day, it’s such a blip in time. It’s funny that’s what a girl dreams about, not the everything that comes after. And as momentous as that day is, it’s the life that happens afterwards that matters. I knew I loved Chad with all my heart that day in August 2009, but I never could have known the partnership we would build together. I never dreamed of the deep friendship, constant support of one another or how our love and respect of each other would deepen with time and life. I’m thankful for him every day. And man, what a life we are building together. We are SO blessed!
And here we are about to welcome our third child (ahhh!). I’m so (so, so, so, so, so) ready to be done being pregnant. I love what a miracle it is, but man, is it hard on my body. I’m so uncomfortable I can’t even remember what it was like to feel good anymore. I’ve done my best to stay healthy, working out all the way through 35 weeks, being active, but I’m hurting! It officially feels like I’ve been pregnant for a hundred years and I have the body of an 80 year old. So, needless to say, baby, I’m ready to meet you!
Then, there’s my baby starting KINDERGARTEN tomorrow. I mean, what? I don’t even feel like I’ve been able to process this. I have a feeling I’ll get her on the bus tomorrow and cry until 2:30 when she gets home. I’m so excited for this step in her life. It’s going to give her such freedom and opportunity, but I, of course, just want to keep her all to myself forever and ever. That being said, she’s going to do great. Much better than me, but knowing my girl….this is going to be her time to shine.
This life milestone for her isn’t without those familiar twinges of pain, however. The reality of it is, she won’t come bounding down off the bus, running to tell me all about her first day of school. The friends she met, the things they did, who she sat with at lunch, who she played with at recess, all of that will be missing tomorrow. For me, reading through the school supply list is even hard. Markers, crayons, scissors, glue bottles…all items Elena can’t use by herself, for a classroom she will have limited time in. Elena will have two teachers, two classes, a Life Skills class and a regular curriculum class. I know it’s the best fit for her but just the word “Life Skills” is hard to say sometimes. I’ve been intently praying for both her teachers, and especially her peers. Peers are hard. As she gets older, kids become just a little harsher, a little less interested in her, all of which is heart breaking. There’s been several times lately where I notice kids her age just staring at her. And I know their little hearts and minds are innocent, but my heart wants them to being staring at her because my Elena is stunningly beautiful, not that she’s “different”. I know how much she loves peer interaction and it breaks my heart at the thought of her being left out, being ignored or the worst, being stared at. Oh my heart.
Yes, this will all be bittersweet. There are crazy emotions swirling around (and crazy hormones, ya’ll!). Mama fears are real and hard and come at random times. But, at the heart of it all there’s God just whispering to my heart to “Be Still” and just like every other hurdle before this, He is in control. His plan is bigger, better and more beautiful than my silly fears and anxieties. The next few days and weeks will be a roller coaster, my goodness.
And to totally change the mood here to close out, I should probably update all you sweet people out there who have been praying for our girl and her trusty new hip! She’s doing great, making great strides in PT in the last week. Her pain and sensitivity is decreasing, as she is getting back to her normal, happy, easy-going self. We’ve struggled several nights in the last couple weeks…like struugggggggggled. Like, please give me a newborn who will no doubt sleep better than my five year old right now. But, it’s hard to say if it’s behavioral or hip related. All I know is that I’m sleeping terribly in my last few weeks of pregnancy, coupled with a five year old who is up literally all night, making me sleep deprived, before I’m going to be sleep deprived….Lord help me! She gets some follow-up xrays tomorrow that will give us a better idea of how she’s healing. I’ll keep you all posted…..and of course, share with you her FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL PICTURE!
Love you all for your prayers and support! xo