Two Years Later

Two years.  In some ways, it feels like a lifetime ago.  In others, the memories flash back like it was just yesterday.

November 3rd will always bring back the memories, the horrible, nightmarish memories.  Today I’ve already relived that drive to Riley; me racing into the emergency room.  Panicked.  Hysterical.  Literally not knowing if my baby was going to arrive dead or alive.  I can still feel the screams building in my throat.  I can still feel the fear, the unbelievable fear tearing apart my insides.  I can still hear my own pleadings with God, begging for my daughter’s life.  I can still see her little body on that table with the doctors and nurses rushing around.  I can remember wondering when I was going to wake up from that nightmare.  Every minute of that day, every emotion of that day, every thought of that day is seared into my mind.  I will never, ever forget them.

But thankfully, I know how that day ends.  My little girl lived.  She was saved.  

I remember all those horrible memories of that day but I also remember the faces of friends and family, who rushed to the hospital to be with us that night.  To be at our sides.  To offer hugs, a shoulder to cry upon.  To support us by simply being present.  I remember the next 21 days, never being alone.  I remember the meals, the hugs, the tears, the texts, the emails, the phone calls, the cards, the flowers, the prayers, the love.

November 3rd will always bring back a flood of memories and mixed feelings.  But with the bad, I choose to remember the good.  I choose to see that my girl lived.  She smiles.  She laughs.  She is joy.  I choose to remember the love we felt and feel every single day for her and for our family.  I choose to remember the amazing family we have and friends who are family.  I choose to remember that with the horrible evil that closed in on us that day, we were immediately enveloped in love.

So two years later, I am choosing each day to let go of the hurt and remember the love that has surround our family.  Today, I’m going to love my girl to pieces and rejoice in her life, her smiles, her joy and the light she continues to shine.