13

Thirteen years ago, our darling Elena Catherine was born on a hot, July morning. She was such a beautiful baby. I hadn’t had a lot of experience with newborns when I became a Mother, but there was a definite and remarkable peace that emanated from her. Perhaps it’s revisionist history and knowing what I know now, but from the very day Elena was born she exuded light, gentility and peace, like our own little ray of sunshine. As I held her for the first time, I never could have dreamed the sharp turn her life took just a few months later.

This birthday, just like all the others, is a grateful affair, a deep appreciation for the unpromised gift of life, the fragility of it, having the understanding of just how thin the veil is between life and death. Another year of life and living is always worthy of a celebration, and I feel that deeply. However, a river of grief flows always just under the surface. You can’t help but consider all the ‘what ifs’, ‘what would’ve been’, and ‘who she would be’ if her life hadn’t taken such a tragic turn.

And yet, she enters into yet another phase of life, teenagedom. She does so having lived through so much hardship with more bravery, toughness and resilience than one could ever imagine. Chad and I are so proud to do this alongside her, with her and for her. Her joy, her smile and her goodness have always been and will always be the biggest gift.

Happy birthday to our dearest girl. Our beautiful, funny, smart teenage girl. Our light.